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Question 144

Q: Because of surgery my wife has lost all interest in sexual intimacy, but my desires haven’t changed.

We love each other and divorce is out of the question. But, I don’t want to sin mentally, so what should I do? I am heavily involved in Bible study and the church. What other advice can you give me?

Asked by: Anonymous


A: Well my brother, a couple of comments.

First of all I’m sure that you’ve talked to your wife about this many times, but maybe you need to speak to her again because biblically, she does have an obligation to you, as the Apostle Paul makes clear in 1 Corinthians.

So even though at this point she has absolutely no interest, it’s very important for you to discuss it, to talk about it, and maybe find a way that the two of you can accommodate each other.

Now, having said that, I do need to emphasize that millions of people have had the same experience as you have and have gone through life without sexual intimacy. There are those who have never married, who’ve desired marriage but never found their life mate; then there are those who, because they are widows or widowers, don’t have any opportunity of sexual contact and they all survive.

Now you say you’re struggling with lust in your mind. I can understand that, but at the same time, I’ve always taken the position that God gives us as many resources as we need to glorify Him in the midst of our situation. I’m glad to read that you are involved in your church and are in a Bible study. Those are the kinds of directions, and vocations, and empathies that you need to continue to follow. But at the same time, give yourself and your marriage to God. Remember that He is with you, and that others have persevered and been victorious in the same state where you find yourself—and keep moving on. Don’t let this become a stumbling block in your walk with God.

Scripture references

  • 1 Corinthians

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